Empty Walls and the Faith to Stay

If you have ever been in the process of making a house into a home, you know that empty walls can make or break that ‘settled’ feeling. So when I moved into my Knoxville apartment in August, I immediately started searching for wall décor. This hunt took much longer than I hoped it would, but by mid-October I had finally gotten some things up on my walls. I loved the way my apartment was starting to look and, although it wasn’t finished, it was starting to feel like home.  

During this time of transforming my space, the word, transition, was laid on my heart. I didn’t really know why, so I prayed about it for weeks. I assumed it was just my reminder that I’m still in transition and didn’t need to pressure myself to create ‘home’ quickly. 

But the actual answer to this prayer was closer than I thought, and not at all what I was expecting. 

If you read my last post you would know that I felt the call to move to Tennessee and in August of 2019 that call took me to Knoxville. My plan was to be in Knoxville for about a year or two, then move to Nashville when the opportunity presented itself; an opportunity I wasn’t even going to start looking for, for another year. 

God had different plans. 

In late October, a week after hanging up décor on once empty walls, and just barely 3 months of living in Knoxville, my job approached me with the opportunity to move to Nashville, in November; November, as in the very next month. 

THIS WAS NOT THE PLAN.

You would think that because my plan from the beginning was to one-day end up in Nashville, I would have jumped at this opportunity, but it caught me completely off-guard. I had just found a church, gotten involved in a small group of girls that were amazing, and was finally able to drive through town without using the GPS on my phone. I had just settled in.  

I knew that moving meant more empty walls, and more visits to churches until I found the right one. It meant more introductions to new people. And it meant more trips to the grocery store sponsored by my trusty GPS.  

WOAH. NOPE. NO THANKS. MAYBE NEXT YEAR?

I began talking about this move with the people I trust most, my parents, my aunt and uncle, cousins, and best friends…. All of them were ecstatic about the opportunity. Every single one of them, at different times, encouraged me to make this move. But everything inside me was screaming “NOOO.” I just wanted one person to tell me this wasn’t a good idea. That I should stick to my original plan. That this was crazy. 

 The thought of moving to Nashville felt like a scary and uncomfortable step towards my big dreams; Dreams that I didn’t feel ready or qualified to chase after yet. 

I knew I needed to pray about this. So I prayed and prayed. “God if this is the timeline you had in mind for me, give me peace about it. Give me the faith to run towards Nashville instead of away from it.” 

In this moment I was reminded of the word, transition. That’s when it hit me. This was just the transition. Knoxville, these people, this apartment; All of this was the transition. And no matter how comfortable this place had become, I can’t make ‘home’ in the transition. No matter how much effort I put into settling in Knoxville, God wasn’t settled there. 

So with all hesitation gone and my heart at peace about where God was taking me next, 

I moved to Nashville

“Announcing” this move feels almost comical at this point because, at the time that I am writing this, I have lived in Nashville for 6 months. 

I have procrastinated writing about this move because it has been harder than I ever anticipated and I wanted to get through the difficulty of this season before I wrote about it. But as hard as it might be, I think there is power in writing about things as I am walking through them. 

In a word, my time in Nashville has been uncomfortable. It has been much different than anywhere else I have ever lived. I have been faced with difficult situations at work and, thanks to quarantine, I haven’t been able to find a home church or start building any sense of community here. Additionally, the timing of this move hit right as I was entering my final semester in college.

So I have spent most of my time here stressed, uncomfortable, and completely alone in an unfamiliar city. These emotions coupled with the hustle culture in Nashville made for a very overwhelming first few months. 

I spent many nights in tears, praying.

I didn’t know how much longer I could handle it all. 

I was ready to leave; rather I was ready to run away. I knew I didn’t feel called to move back to Knoxville or Phoenix, but I was convinced that I wasn’t staying in Nashville. 

So I prayed and prayed AND PRAYED for God to direct me somewhere else. 

“God I don’t care where you take me, just take me anywhere but here” 

But over and over again I was met with the overwhelming sense that I was supposed to stay.

STAY?! 

“But God this doesn’t feel good” 

This feels lonely

This feels difficult

This feels uncomfortable 

What God revealed to me is that there comes a point when what you KNOW has to take over what you FEEL. 

This doesn’t feel good, but I know that this is where God has me and where he is prepared to work all things together for His good. 

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” Romans 8:28

This feels lonely, but I know that God promises to be with me wherever I go.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

I don’t see what God is doing here yet, but I know that he has a plan 

“Jesus replied, “You don’t understand now what I am doing, but someday you will.” John 13:7 

What I have had to learn is that sometimes God calls us to have the faith to GO and sometimes he calls us to have the faith to STAY.  

I am choosing to stay and to lean on God for comfort and to trust that he has me right where he wants me. I don’t want to miss what God is doing in my life because it feels uncomfortable.

I’m not saying Nashville will be my forever home, who knows where I’ll be 6 months from now, but I know that until God calls me to go, I will choose to stay. 

I often think back to my time in Knoxville and reflect on how crucial that time of transition was for my faith. I’m sure it sounds inconvenient to move twice in four months, but I can assure you that God doesn’t waste time. He taught me so much during that time and showed me that he truly is the God of immeasurably more than I could ever ask or imagine. 

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory.” Ephesians 3:20

I needed to have that transition to look back on and remind myself that God is in this, even when it doesn’t feel good. I know that what he did in Knoxville, he is prepared to do again and immeasurably more in Nashville. 

So here I am trying to find my place in Nashville, Tennessee, in a home full of empty walls, taking often-uncomfortable steps towards big dreams, and having the faith to stay. 

– Ally Mack

Take a listen:  

“I Still Believe” by Jeremy Camp  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZPMZV9MVVY

“Defender” by Francesca Battistelli https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncYyDQW0L-A

“Broken prayers” by Riley Clemmons https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBDt_-tIfLI